Dear Grandpa,
I went home to visit the family recently. I know you were there. Walking around the house, I can still feel your presence everywhere. I couldn't wait for a chance to sneak off alone downstairs to see your chair. To anyone outside of the family that chair must look so out of place. Grandma's clean, pristine house and your old beat up, brown leather chair. I wonder how many times grandma may have tried to coax you into getting a new one. I just had to sit in it. Sitting in your chair remembering you. Feeling your greatness. The wonderful man you were. Some loved you, while others couldn't see past the grouchy old man you grew to be. Grandma has a framed picture of you on the entertainment center. You're about 10 years old, standing there tall and proud, at your fathers right hand. Also pictured is your mother, younger brother and 2 sisters. As I ask Grandma about the picture, I notice in great detail many things about the picture and your demeanor. I see your position in the family. Your mother is beautiful (and plump, though Grandma denies that). Grandma told me of the great, undying love you had for your mother and how she died when you were only 12. Your father took to the bottle after your mothers death was allowing the family to fall to pieces. He tried to send your sisters off and put you boys to work. But you, at age 12 stood firm on keeping your family together. You said "we'll suffer together". That's my grandpa!
I feel flooded with emotions. I've been spoiled. Grandpa, coming back to this place at 33 years of age, I found love. I feel so loved. I was blind to it before, probably because I was a spoiled brat. But, it's there. How could I have not seen it, felt it? You took me in with dad. You wouldn't have had it any other way. We belonged to you. I know now this stems from your childhood. I asked you so many times about your childhood, your past. You always said "the past is the past, you think about the future, kid".
Our family is like dysfunction 101. We fight, yell, scream and laugh (mostly at eachother). Yet, there is a deep rooted love that runs through each of us and somehow binds us. Grandma's eyes were filled with tears of joy to have us all over for dinner. Even dad! You should have seen his eyes light up. He was so full of pride standing behind that camera as he snapped a shot of his 4 grown children. He said "I have some good looking kids". I'd been away for so long, too long. I've missed everyone immensely.
Grandpa, you had a tough life. But you made it good. You made everything good. I see your eyes sparkling and I can hear your laugh. I can still see you dancing all around and listening to that old radio you always had playing. Thankyou for your love, your time. Thankyou for your stubborness and your strong will, your grouchiness, your understanding. You had what it took to make it work Grandpa. You'll aways remain very much a part of me. Your legacy lives on...it's love.
